Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
