He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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