Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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