i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
