You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
