Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
