I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This baby is an asshole
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
