I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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