I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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