I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
