Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
