Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
