I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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