I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
so much tequila, so little girl.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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