She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
