Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
