Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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