I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
