A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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