i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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