You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
