i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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