Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we should paint friendship bongs
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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