So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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