im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
