that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
