he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
