Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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