I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
