I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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