if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
