guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
