dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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