She is in my trunk
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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