i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
false alarm. still invincible.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I could fuck to npr.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
