Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
