one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
