I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
