Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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