FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
