i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
