You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
