so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Two words: blizzard sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
