And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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