Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
