Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
