nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
