i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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