Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
