So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
