I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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