Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
