I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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