Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
