You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
