dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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