There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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