After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
