I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
