i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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