I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
