I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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