Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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