I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
