They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
