i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
