talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
