i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
