I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
