yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
