I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
