At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
