He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
