White coat. Heels.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize