My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize