tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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